A ride in the ambulance.

Lovely love.

There used to be a day, when I knew the whole world about Richard. There was a day when he always wanted me there and no body else, there was a day where he told me everything and anything. Those days seem to be long lost. The longer he's poorly, the worse temper he gets, and the further we grow apart. I thought the engagement would bring this all back an make us happy. But it it's made me feel far from that. I don't even know who he is anymore. I know it's hard for him, but it's so hard trying to be there for him, keep him going when I'm always being shut out and pushed a side. I Mis the boy I fell in love with... 

Question is- will that boy ever come back.... 

It's a broccoli.

Richard has been in hospital for a long 12 weeks now, what seems like the longest time ever too. My mum brought him a toy broccoli, in hoping it would cheer him up. It;s done just the job and kept us amused for the rest of the day <3  He also had another Blood Transfusion today as well, hoping he will feel a bit more perkier tomorrow morning. 

          

Intensive care // septic shock

This week has probably been the most hardest week of my life. It's effected me so badly, and yet for the first time I feel as though I actually can not cope with this much longer.
I never thought that he would ever end up in this situation. It was scary, not as scary as web he thought he was duin a few weeks ago and then proposed to me ( I'll add update on that soon) but two very different scary moments I can't compare and found them both horrible. He's been in hospital for 10 weeks next week, which has been the longest trip he's ever had in the past 4 years. It egging harder and harder as time time goes on and the longer he is on there. I don't remember any time we've had together. I don't feel close to him or feel we're in a relationship. I feel a though we have become very close lovely friends rather than that relationship. Just because he's in hospital and been cares for by the nurses more than I see him- it's making things hard. It shouldn't st all but with him being in intensive care and having to have personal care has really bothered me too. I feel as thought the whole world has seen him naked and nothing underneath him is all mine anymore. It sounds so utterly stupid. I shouldn't at all feel this way but i suppose it just because we've had no time together for so long I feel pushed away and that I'm not his love anymore? I don't understand how I've become to feel this way. At the end of the day the nurses are doing there job and looking after him so why should it bother me? I just don't know whyz