day 6. another story too.

So Richard appears to be doing really well today. Managed to get back on to his playstation, and thats all i know of really.

Unfortuantly it's not really been my day. Dad had an appointment at glenfeild today so said i wouldd take him. He had a CT scan yesterday as he has recently been ill with a cough. He made an emergency appointment where he had an Xray and a check over, not much else happened. The day after he had a hand written letter out though to the letter box to call the doctors because of something not right with the xray. Turned out something abnormal was there so he then out through to Glenfield and they got him an appointment and a CT scan too.

Anyway, went in to today, Wasnt to bad driving over. Never thought the worse of it, was just convinced it was nothing to worry but even though i had thought deep in mind it could well be cancer, but then i thought nai, not another person. Well. turns out dad has a tumour in both of his lung, i knew the minute i saw the CT scans on the Computer, Ive seen it all before, i know how it works and what the lumps look like, I knew before the consultant even said. I didn't need him to tell me any more. Poor Dad, he quit smoking last year and was doing so well. So, After looking at the CT Scan, the consultant said it was very un usal to have 2 very small lumps ( one in each lung) he mentioned that his liver looked a bit out of colour or something a long the lines if that. Now my biggest worry is, what if he has liver cancer which has spread to his lungs??? He's got to have a PET scan to see if they can find anything else. Dear God, please just let him be okay. Weve already lost MR B. we cant loose my daddy too, Weve got future plans to run the farm and get it back up and running. He cant be poorly or be taken away. I know my dad's an idiot at times, and is annoying and sometimes i wish he'd learn his lesson and sort him self out but not this way....


It's just when you think thing's cant get any worse and now my daddy  could have cancer!!!

just got to pray and pray for him, and richard too.


night x

day 5.

after a nice weekend away with my sister and some friends i went back to see Richard today. Unfortunately when i was away he was really poorly on Saturday. found it really hard being so far away, having no contact with and not knowing if he was okay, what was happening or what was going on. He had a bad reaction to some medicine he was on/or something like that. He had a very bad headache, was really poorly and very sick :( Poor Boy. Richard Mum went over to look after him which i didn't know until she was home later that evening. Just wished i'd know earlier in the day, i wouldn't have worried so much and tried to of enjoyed my time a bit more. I needed a break. We don't get to have a normal life.

Being with some one who has cancer doesn't just change the little things, it changes everything, it changes your whole life, an I mean everything in it....

we never get to do normal things, cant go out on the piss like he used to, i've been with him for nearly 4 years now and never have i really been out with all of him friends, hung out with them or anything, by the time he's better its going to be so strange because we've just not had that normal life is so long, its like i've actually forgotten what a normal life is?

Anyway. back to my visit today, considering he had such a bad day on Saturday and was a little  better last night, he did really well today. I was really pleased for him. We managed a good old natter, both had a little kip, then chatted. HE went to sleep again and then we watched home and away :) then his mum showed up so had a catch up and a natter with her too.


Poor rich tried so hard not to get all emotional again before i left, saying he was sorry for putting me through this all. But the thing is, we were just friends when it happens. I let us get together, and i chose to be with him. Funny how life goes. He keeps talking about Portugal and how he wants to take me away again, and we will go on holiday when he's better. Hoping that's giving him something to keep him going for the next 6 months or so.....



night night
x

Day 3.

Been to visit the wonderful richard today. He's doing okay, was very tired and got a little big groogy towards the end of the evening but is generally doing really well considering he only had his transplant yesterday.

His count levels have halved since yesterday which explains why he was really tired even after a good night sleep, which means, the chemo has worked really well along side it all. He was still smiling away as he always does but was developing a bit of cough. Hoping that it's just a little thing and nothing to serious.

Im off to Newcastle tomorrow to have some girlie time with my sister and my friend carly. I need some time out to chill. I've not been out and had a normal night out in such a long time, in fact i can't even remember what a normal life of going out every odd weekend and doing normal stuff is now. My life literally evolves around Richard and his cancer, hospital and treatment. That's how its been for the past 3 years, i almost wonder if i'll cope okay when i get a normal life back again after all of this? you'd like to think so right.

night x

Stem Cell Transplant Day is here. Day 0

Richards Stem Cell transplant day has finally arrived :) Been a really easy day today, poor Richard was very tired compared to yesterday so unfortunately it wasn't a fun day but we still had nice relaxing one. Arrived at the hospital at about 1.15pm, had an easy afternoon, watched an old film called Jet. Richard fell asleep whilst i tickled his head for almost the whole film. Definitely not complaining though :) to see him sleeping happily and resting is one the best things to watch when he's in there.

richy taking a nap 

Richards stem cells transplant 

Cells have come from Germany, transported by train which was interesting. They turned up just after 5.30pm ish. Transplant took place just after 6pm and took nearly two hours to go through. It's very simple really, its just like watching a blood transfusion. Simple as anything, Most people think Transplant means operation, but it actually doesn't, which is rather interesting. I learn something new every-time i go to that hospital.

I leant to day that a stem cell transplant, is more intense than a organ transplant. This is because an organ transplant is just one body organ, where as stem cell is the immune system which controls the whole body. So technically this in a whole body transplant. it so exciting really too.

Hopefully Richard should be okay for a few days, then his counts will start to drop and he will get worse before he is better. Fingers crossed he goes through it all okay.

Ill go back and visit him on friday. hoping he will still be in high spirits.


......

23 may 2012 

Transplant tomorrow.

22/05/2012

richard having a lolly to cool this throat down during treatment 

I can't believe how quickly time has flown by,  this time tomorrow Richard would have had his cells transplanted. They are coming from a lad in Germany, which is really exciting.  Richard has been rather lively recently. Today he had lots of flubid, and i mean bags and bags and a treatment to wipe his whole system out ready for tomorrows transplant. Basically this drug wipes out his immune system so if he didn't have this stem cell transplant he would die... its all really clever really and rather exciting. He's still in high spirits but i think all the walking to the toilet and back has worn him out. 

updates....

visiting Richard again in hospital appears to be taking a toll on me....
but
Visted Richard again today (20/05/2012) he seemed okay to day. Was really pleased with his lego and happily played and built it. Ah thats the richard i know. Watched Miami vice,  played on the PlayStation and had a laugh today. Better make the most of these times before he starts to get poorly. We sure did have a giggle and it has put a smile on my face :)  Chilled out all evening and watched come dine with me whilst alan poped over. i then left him with alan. I'll go back on tuesday to spend the day with him :)

this is where it all begins...

I can't believe how quickly time has flown by, and how quickly things have been happening the past 2 weeks. I've been meaning to keep updating but seems as though I've just not had the time to get on to here, or I've been too tired to even attempt to write.

As Richard was going in to hospital the day before my birthday (may 15th) we decided to have some time together and celebrate my birthday whilst we can. We took a trip down to bornemwouth with a day trip to london on route, and had a really nice time away. Shame on the weather being a bit crap but we sure made the most of it :)

We came back on saturday afternoon after deciding to stay an extra night, which i am so glad we did as it just gave us some extra time together when the sun decided to come out and saw some beautiful scenery an lots of wild ponies, it was just so beautiful.


Richard went in on the 15th, so i didnt see him on the 16th due to my birthday and then i was working in the 17th so was really glad to finally go see him on Friday. Those two days felt like they went on forever. He had his hickman line put in on the 16th and then started treatment on the 17th, He reacted quite badly to this, which we found was a good sign as this meant it was attacking any bad cells left in his body. Making his body come out in these odd rashers. He had a couple of visitors over, and whilst they were there he reacted to the treatment, which made his body shake. I think it was some sort of allergy reaction as he was really really poorly, i just wanted to be there but i didn't know it was happening until later that night. guess i cant be there all the time hey.

he seemed okay when i visited on Friday morning, we built my horse lego that he got me for my bday and watched a film. He seemed dokay for most of the day up until about 10 mins before i had to go to the cinema to meet sammy, in which whilst i was there he went down hill and was really poorly. Trust him to get like that when i am gone. Ive brought him some more lego and its a police one so he can have that to build on sunday :) if hes feeling up to it.

night x

sad news.

Everything was going so well, Richard has been doing so well, we've not had any bad times that I've not had anything to write about. For once it seemed like life has been normal, He even got the all clear. Cancer free, the american treatment had worked. Every one was happy, Richard was happy, I was happy. It was a big weight of the shoulders.

Sadly yesterday we found out that Richards Cancer has grown back, and it has grown quite rapidly since his last treatment dose. His last treatment day was 21st March, and he had his scan which showed it was all gone and cleared. His Transplant is due on the 23rd may. He goes in to hospital on the 15th may, so the sad bit is he will miss my b'day. My birthday is on the 16th, and i cant even really go and see him either, as he will be having his hipmen line put in and then he will start his chemo treatment. He will have this everyday up until his transplant. It's brilliant the the Bone Marrow Transplant is going ahead at last, but so scary because its come rounf so quickly and now richy and i cant really do much and i feel like we've missed out on the free fun time we should have been having, and we haven't/ Now its too late to do that, as he cant risk getting anything before he goes in.

I am so devastated, I'm so scared, I've been trying to block it out for so long. It seemed so easy to just forget about it and carry on. But now it has the all go ahead, everything is in place, i feel like I'm on a break down. I feel  so lost, the thought of all of this is so frightening. And the worse bit is that people just dont have any idea, they try to help but sometime i wish they didn't open their mouth. They cant tell me its going to be okay, they don't know.