it's so hard.

I went out on Saturday night for my sisters birthday and i forgot just how much i miss having a normal life, having a social life, going out, being normal again for one night, and most of all forgetting that everything is happening... But at the same time made me realize at why some relationships just don't last though these phases and hard times. It's an awful thing to say, but again, it's something people can not judge or comment on unless they have been through it them selves. You can never say, well if i was in that situation... bla bla, no you really can't because unless you are actually going though it, there is not a slight chance  in the world where any one can even try to understand, the strain, pressure and pain. nothing.

Part of me just feels so insane, i want to be with Richard i do, but i feel so helpless and so miserable. Were never happy anymore, we always bicker and always fall out. It's just getting to the stage were we fall out of such silly things. For example, om Saturday night i wore some leather look leggings as i was dressed up as Sandy from Greece. Richard has this thing and wanted to see me in them first before i went out, its just a pair of leggings but he still had a big moody about it and then was funny with me all night and all Sunday. All the constant silly things is just fading things away, there's no spark or anything  to be excited about any more.