Saturday surprise// Richard Visit

Yesterday I had such a busy day but was so excited to be going to see my Richard in hospital. He seems to be doing much better than he was but he's still not as good as he can be. Anyway I got a nice surprise when i got to the hospital when Richard said he was allowed out for the day which made me smile like anything. :) So Richard decided to drive us back to Melton and we spent the afternoon in bed watching 24. It was so lovely to have him all tom my self and just relax. But before we knew it was time for me to head off to my sisters round the corner sand leave him at home and to be returned to the hospital.

Hopefully he will be home today, just fingers crossed everything goes well and then he will be home until further notice of when he had his lung camera thing done. I feel happier about how things are going now and this week has definitely been a test week but has shown i can just about handle anything if i need too. So, all we are waiting for is the Lung section and then it will all go from there.

♥ 

going to see richard tomorrow.

It's been a long but quick few days and i finally get to see my richard tomorrow. Am so excited. Bit sad he isn't spending Halloween with us but that's okay, better him in hospital okay. I'll find out on all the lastest news and what's happening. I already briefly know that he's now having chemo and wont be having his transplant until the new year. Lets hope tomorrow leaves me smiling :) 

Can't wait to see him, have missed him tons.

Sadness.

I can't believe how so sudden everything has gone so bad and how things have changed so quickly. Richards Transplant appointment was brought forward to today and now they are keeping him in :( im so so sad. But, in a way i guess i already knew it. There is no time left and now we cant make the most of our last free time together and not it's going to be a long time until we get to do it again :(

He went to the hospital yesterday for a reassurance check up, They said his heart was under strain and that he needed a CT scan which was okay as he was allowed home. My poor head is all over the place and I don't know what to do. Doesn't help knowing that I am all alone tonight but on the plus side my siblings and parents will be home tomorrow so that shall keep me going.

We don't have any last happy moment photo memories or anything :( Last time before his transplant we went to the seaside together and had a wonderful day with each other. And this time we didn't do anything yet this transplant is a lot more risker than that last one :(

Sad Lou lou.

our day at the sea side before richards last transplant. 

Panic // Poorly Richard.

It's been one emotional and frightening day today. Poor Richard really wasn't doing very well the day before yesterday and he was coughing up blood. So he booked a doctors appointment, which was then led to an Xray just to make sure. So Richard had his X ray last night and then got the results this morning which Richard thought were bad news, so instead of having a happy fun morning it was a very big emotional whirlwind. He snapped at me and told me to get out of the room whilst he rang up the hospital. Yeah it upset me a little bit but I suppose i am getting used to his snappiness now so it doesn't bother me as much any more, which I am so glad about because its not the nicest thing to go though at all.

So we thought his x ray was bad and that the lymphoma has grown rapidly which was causing all the trouble, so poor Richard got all upset and worked up thinking he was a whole lot worse than he thought and we were prepared for him being called in to the hospital. he had such an emotional but lovely chat, just about how one day we will live together, have a family, get married, ect but then he was saying if he was going to die he'd rather buy me my favourite car which is a lupo rather than be married so that i can drive it around and think og him. What a lovely but very sad thought, he has so many thing going on in that brain of his i'd love to just turn it off for a day so he can just relax and smile and be happy again.
anyway, the hospital finally rang back and basically said it was nothing to worry about and that it was all normal looking for them, even though they know its causing him hassle but he's okay to be at home and await his transplant.

phew, stress over and happy richard :)


good night xxx

Memories

Just looking back at Happy Photo's of Richard from last year before he had his first transplant. He was also so happy and no matter what never gave up and carried on as if nothing was happening. He was always had  positiveness, so bubbly and so happy. Now, he just seems to fed up and so miserable. Its so sad, and no matter how hard I try, I just can not snap him out of this bubble of misery. 

Random. // Richard // LOVE

Amy 

loves 

Richard.

that's all. 

sometimes it's good to shout these things to the world.

:)

xxxxx

Lazy day.

Richard wasn't very well today so we decided to have a lazy day in bed and watch 24 all day. I would never have spent the whole day in bed before Richard but days like this, it just seems like the best thing to do. No hassle, cuddles and happiness. 

Time Flys.

Its saturday.

This is the first saturday that i have had off in what seems like forever. Tonight is Laura's birthday night out in Northampton and i am so excited because for the first time Richard is coming over to join in. I really hope he will be okay for it though as the poor boy is suffering so much with his cough, which we don't seem to know what's causing it all. He also ended taking too many tablets so he's also had a poorly belly. He must be so fed up with one thing happening after another. No wonder he is so miserable and fed up. I certainly would be if I was him.

Lets hope i can make him  have a really good fun night and cheer him up. I am so excited :) I love my Richard so much.

Richard

My sisters birthday.

Yesterday was my little sister's 25th  birthday, saying little she is only just over a year younger than me so not so little any more. However she will always be my little sister at heart. Her Boyfriend was recently posted off to Libya with the army a few days before her birthday, as you can imagine the poor girl was ever so upset and it was my job to try and make her birthday as good as possible.
I came over on Wednesday night after she had finished work and spent the evening with her, I even managed to put decorations up and she hadn't even noticed it was doing it, yet we were sitting in the same room. She sure makes me giggle. We decided to go to London for the day and had a good time, went round Chelsea and went to an interesting gallery, very un usual but different I must say. Spent the day shopping, popped in to Tiffany's and went to a pub for some food. Was a lovely day and then we went for a meal at Bella Italia which finished the day perfectly.  Were off Bingo tonight and our friend Emma is coming up to surprise her, that's if she gets a sat nav to work in time :/. Tomorrow we are going out in town and going to the casino, it should be a really good night. Hopefully Richard will make too so I am extra excited about as well.

Happy 25th Birthday Sissy !!!!

Love

Love already?

who's have thought that after all this time of being friends for 10 years. I'd finally give in and end up having feeling for him. This Photo was taken when i met him on a night out in his town in Melton. Looking back at the photo, never seeing it before but I suddenly thought that this photo made us looked like a really good couple. Maybe back then it knew we'd get together, who knows, but they say things happen for a reason and i believe they do. 

Richard's Appointment.

Today Richard had his appointment, where camera put down his throat. They managed to get 21 Biopsies, which i thought was a lot, all we have to do now is wait for the results.  This acid that he has that  is caused by his hernia is looking better than before, so now were questioning to whether that was causing all of his recent cough fits and eating problems. His stomach looked pretty much normal, but still has some inflammation in some of the areas. Poor boy has been feeling rough all day and I cant see him to cuddle him. I didn't go to this appointment as he goes with him mum and its a bit too much and too many bodies if we all go to this, so it's easier if his mum takes him.  Lets hope he's feeling better tomorrow :) . 

Results.

After another 3 months of more waiting around we finally got some answers and were finally getting some where. As much as I want it done sooner than later, there is a big part of me that isn't ready to do all of this all all over again.

The appointment was pretty much a blur, I knew that if it wasn't this appointment it would have been in 3 months time. I kinda already knew what was coming, well in some ways.
So, They have basically decided to put Richard through to his Transplant, well its entirely up to him but they are pushing him to have it now rather than later.

Richard has got an area in his chest some where deep in side which has been showing up on his recent visits for the past 6-9 months, and on this appointment they have also found a new one right inside behind his stomach. Its still too small to do a biopsy and if they do, there is a big chance they can miss. If they do catch it and it is lymphoma (cancer) then he will have to recover before they can go ahead with the transplant which means wasting time and could be too late. So, because the doctors and nurses are 95% certain it is lymphoma, they don't see the point in waiting for the extra 5% and would rather crack on with the transplant now. If he has it now he's less likely to need any chemotherapy to get rid  of the cancer he has. If they were to wait, any time his lymphoma could explode and go crazy, which would mean he would need lots of horrible treatment first before the transplant. seeing you loved one go through chemo is the worse thing you can see, it's horrible seeing how poorly they get. I would never want him to do it again and loose his hair. It was so heartbreaking.
I know deep down this transplant is the right thing to do. ( i do) its just that he will be in hospital for about 6 weeks and then when he comes home he wont be allowed out the house for 6 months. It's such a long time, and the sligest illness or cold is a big no, anything illness then we have to keep away from his as he will have no immune system and wont be able to fight and can die. It all sounds so scary, how ever i did it last time and i know what to expect this time around. I'm more prepared but I'm not ready. It's all happening too quickly, before i know it our normal life wont  exist and i will be visiting him back in hospital, and he will get poorly again.  I feel like we need to do as much as we can, but he's so unwell at the moment with her hernia, he's so miserable he doesn't want to do anything or go out. Seeing some one so bubbly and happy to this is really sad too. Cancer changes everything, and no matter how hard you try nothing stops it, and it's always in your mind. I will never understand what he is going though, but then my friends and other people will never understand what I'm going through unless they have been there.


It's so hard to believe that such horrible and long things can happen to some one so young at the most important time of their life. It seems to be one thing after another, and keeping positive seems to be harder than ever when its another bad thing and then another. Life is so unfair and Richard is the best. amazing, wonderful persin that i have ever known. he doesn't deserve any of this, and it's so sad watching go through it all, struggling  and trying to be strong. In a way I think it makes our relationship bond a lot stronger than most peoples, because you learn appreciate what you have and make the most of what you do have. It's hard, it's never been easy but I'm determinded to help him get better no matter what.

We have a month to make the most of what we can do until his next appointment, which i guess they will go through the transplant ect. Richard has an appointment next week for a camera to go down his throat so they can see how his hernia is going and they are going to take some biopsies too. Wish us Luck.

My Richard.

On holiday in Portugal. 

Results day tomorrow.

 It's finally come. Another 3 months has gone and it now time for the next lot of results. I have no idea in the slightest what's going to happen. Part of me feels as though it will be bad news but then the other part feels the same as I always do. Same results, and another 3 months wait. Who knows what's waiting around the corner. This time round I'm finding it so much harder to take in as well, normally I okay about everything and am about ready to except the good or the bad. But, this time i'm not. I think its down to everything with Richard's Daddy, i'm more scared than i have ever been in my life. Seeing this happen to some one, not just some one but some one close and another family is nothing anyone will understand unless they've been through it. I almost feel as though im putting tomorrow off in away, i don't know. Now that mike has gone i feel more alone than ever. It makes all the difference having him at home. Things will get easier i know, I just wish the world and all it's bad problems would just go away. I'd really like some happiness and good luck for change, not just for me but for my brother, my family and my grandparents. I never ask for much, but for this Christmas i'd just like every one to be happy.

Keeping my fingers and toes crossed.

<3

last weekend at home with the brother.

so, a long summer holiday has finally come to an end, and my brother ventures back up north tomorrow. Am feeling really really sad, as i've really enjoyed having him home. Things havent been the best but its been good to spend some family time together. Its going to be a long time until he comes back, well not a long time but were look at the Christmas Holidays. It's not that long really, but it will seem like it. I'll be very bored being stuck at home all week on my own now. Pretty rubbish and its Richards results on Wednesday which i am dreading to bits. Never mind, got to keep smiling. There are far worse off thing in the world that are happening, I am Most greatful for the people i do have the time i'm getting with them.