Septic shock // poorly richy

Things seem to be a little bit easier today. Went to see Richard yesterday and was quite surprised to him a bit more upbeat than I thought. Saying that he did have a few sleeps whilst I was there, sleeping on my arm making it rather dead.

Richard basically suffered from a septic shock on Sunday morning. He was really poorly and was put in a ward ready to get him going again in case he gave up. Sounded so scary, I don't think I've ever had such a scare like this. It's so hard. Is this how it's going to be for the rest of our life, will heavier get better or is this how our life is going to be now?

DONOR LYMPHOCYTE INFUSION // RICHARD

It's been some time since i have written on here again, I don't seem to know where the time goes. Saying that i am just so busy, i very rarely get to sit down and get on here.

Life has been pretty hard, i miss my grandpa like crazy, and I've been running around like a yo yo machine, I now work full time, at last, and run the farm, look after Grandma, still don't go round as much as i used to but i find it so hard with out Grandpa there. I try to spend as much time with Richard too, but as like tonight, i am missing out on snuggle times, as unfortunately was kept in at the hospital and is staying in over the weekend.

He had two lots of radiotherapy this week, yesterday (Thursday) and Today. And then having his DLI tomorrow, which is an infusion of the Cells from him Donor. Really hope this works, if this doesn't there is nothing else they can do for me. It gets scarier every time and every day. I wish it would go away. Richard has been poorly since the very beginning  i just want us to have a normal relationship now, that we have never been able to have. It's so heart breaking, we have this amazing future we want to have toegther, and i now i feel likw it's never going to happen, and that we will never get to do what we want. Life is so unfair, why does it always nig at the Nice people. Please work, pleaseee.


xxx