Dreaded phone call.

I currently now have a new we page up for Richard - its more of a day to say with what's going on. If you want to have a look then just pop over to -

www.broccolipops.com 

It's been a very tough week. He started to get unwell this time last week. However he picked up and then was up and down each night. Was starting to do really well in some points so hopes were really kicking in. Short lived. He was transferred to ITU on Tuesday with short of breath. Once they had settled him down he was much happier and seemed okay. Was doing better yesterday but went down hill over night. I got the dreaded phone call at 5.09 this morning. Richard wanted us back in with him. He couldn't relax and his heart rate has shot up and the nurse was a little concerned for him. He's currently having

A chest x ray whilst I write this. It's really scary. The doctors don't even know what's going on. Whether its the fluid or the infection. It's not good, I'm just partying so hard that somethings works for him. I need him to get better :( waiting for the doctors to come back is just waiting to be told bad news. :( 

A ride in the ambulance.

Lovely love.

There used to be a day, when I knew the whole world about Richard. There was a day when he always wanted me there and no body else, there was a day where he told me everything and anything. Those days seem to be long lost. The longer he's poorly, the worse temper he gets, and the further we grow apart. I thought the engagement would bring this all back an make us happy. But it it's made me feel far from that. I don't even know who he is anymore. I know it's hard for him, but it's so hard trying to be there for him, keep him going when I'm always being shut out and pushed a side. I Mis the boy I fell in love with... 

Question is- will that boy ever come back.... 

It's a broccoli.

Richard has been in hospital for a long 12 weeks now, what seems like the longest time ever too. My mum brought him a toy broccoli, in hoping it would cheer him up. It;s done just the job and kept us amused for the rest of the day <3  He also had another Blood Transfusion today as well, hoping he will feel a bit more perkier tomorrow morning. 

          

Intensive care // septic shock

This week has probably been the most hardest week of my life. It's effected me so badly, and yet for the first time I feel as though I actually can not cope with this much longer.
I never thought that he would ever end up in this situation. It was scary, not as scary as web he thought he was duin a few weeks ago and then proposed to me ( I'll add update on that soon) but two very different scary moments I can't compare and found them both horrible. He's been in hospital for 10 weeks next week, which has been the longest trip he's ever had in the past 4 years. It egging harder and harder as time time goes on and the longer he is on there. I don't remember any time we've had together. I don't feel close to him or feel we're in a relationship. I feel a though we have become very close lovely friends rather than that relationship. Just because he's in hospital and been cares for by the nurses more than I see him- it's making things hard. It shouldn't st all but with him being in intensive care and having to have personal care has really bothered me too. I feel as thought the whole world has seen him naked and nothing underneath him is all mine anymore. It sounds so utterly stupid. I shouldn't at all feel this way but i suppose it just because we've had no time together for so long I feel pushed away and that I'm not his love anymore? I don't understand how I've become to feel this way. At the end of the day the nurses are doing there job and looking after him so why should it bother me? I just don't know whyz

Terrified.

My Richard is really poorly with his lung. I am terrified. He says something isn't right inside him. He's so worried and so scared. Its not good. He's must be bad. No matter what he will always keep positive but he's failing todo that at moment. Please make him better please.